It has been over a month since my public revelations about my anxiety. The response I received was almost overwhelming. People were thanking me for sharing my struggle, telling me I was brave, telling me they were proud of me for being open.
I didn’t feel brave. I felt exhausted. Emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, spiritually exhausted. But the days following my revelation, I started to feel something else: relief. Don’t misunderstand me, my anxiety had not changed in any way. But I was starting to feel like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. (As a side note: That is why community is so important as a believer. The Bible tells us to bare each others burdens. When you are secluded for long periods of time, the burdens you carry start to become real heavy, because you are carrying them alone.)
I didn’t share my story to be brave or to have people praise me, I shared because I was tired of hiding. Tired of feeling alone. But no matter why I shared, it was so very encouraging to know that there are people in my life who care and who are on my side. So, thank you, to all of you who reached out to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Two weeks after I shared my story, I had three appointments: one with my doctor who prescribes my anxiety medication, one with my dentist which is irrelevant to this post (but I had no cavities so that’s a win!), and one with a counselor. My doctor’s appointment went well. She prescribed me a new medication, which I am happy to say is doing wonders! What a relief!
My counselor appointment went well too. Even though a lot of what we talked about was stuff I already knew in my head, saying it out loud and to someone made a huge difference. I walked out of that appointment with a smile on my face and my shoulders feeling 100% lighter.
I still have a ways to go; I’m not 100% better, but I am finally starting to feel more like myself. I still have bad days, but I also have really good days and that gives me hope. I have started doing the things I love again (exercising, baking, etc.) when before I had no desire to really do anything. I have even been going out to dinner some.
So, while I still have a journey ahead of me, I have made it this far. God has been teaching me so much through all this and I would not be here if not for His grace and mercy. One of my favorite verses that has been a stronghold for me the past several months is this: Hebrews 6:19 “We have this hope, as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
Jesus has been my anchor through all the hard times in my life, and He has never failed me. It is in Him that I hope. ❤